…you will find something greater….

I had a few sick days recently. Most people binge watch something. Nope… instead SuperVan gets a spa day with new plugs and an oil change. See, SuperVan doesn’t get many breaks either. If I’m grounded with a cold, that means the car has actual downtime to be serviced. So I bought parts online on Saturday, I let my fever break that morning. That set the stage for Sunday…by then I was on antibiotics anyway. Paced myself on Sunday with breaks for Theraflu and teas.

Thing is on this van, a plug change isn’t just a pull the wires and cap and put in new plugs. Nope, you have to take the upper intake manifold off on the 4.0 engine to get to the plugs. In layman’s terms…disconnect a ton of lines, childproof connectors, and an air filter…then lift off the top piece of the engine (which exposes the valves) to get to those plugs. It’s just a con of the 4.0 engine on this model…the smaller engine size of the same model is not laid out like this. That being said, I’ll take having the larger engine in-spite of the extra effort. My “it’s time to outrun a tornado” blog should be proof enough on that front.

A had someone tell me, “A lot of people would have been afraid or intimidated to get that manifold off and things would have stopped right there.” I get that. I remember a time I was afraid to rip my brakes down and service them (and the rotors). Truth be told, a lot of my desire to work on my vehicles is a direct, intentional challenge to break layers of my own societal and childhood conditioning away; an effort to see where my actual, true boundaries are versus the imagined/ self imposed ones that have taken hold (or tried to). Who am I, in reality, and what I am actually capable of…versus what societal conditioning would like me to be, or even in spite of what my fears may tell me about myself?

There’s a quote I wrote down a long time ago that sums this idea up. When I first heard this, my whole being resonated in agreement; “Who you really are FAR surpasses who you think you are and we stay or shoot for who we think we are. If you can destroy that of your own free will, you will find something much greater.” Oteil Burbridge said that, on the “Rising Low” DVD. Many thanks to my friend Tom for lending me that DVD so many years ago. That quote alone was worth the watch.

The process is designed to help me learn to be comfortable and function while being IN the state of being uncomfortable…to make friends with that feeling and to be able to function in it. That’s the area where ALL the growth happens. You identify the monkey mind parts that rise up and you can simply say “shush” to them. It’s part of finding the best version of me and what I am capable of. This been an ongoing process for years and it has fostered A LOT of growth. On many levels. And getting comfortable with this process applies to SO MUCH MORE than just fixing a car; getting comfy with being uncomfortable while I work on art, writing, risk taking…finding one’s unique voice. The list goes on.

It’s both satisfying to see myself repair the vehicle, and there’s the personal growth in doing the work.

This past weekend, the EGR valve got changed. At least I didn’t have a sinus infection when I worked on the car this time.

I rarely invite anyone to help; it’s me, the vehicle, and my mind to solve the problems that arise. It’s fairly quiet and zen that way…you stay focused on the task at hand.

“Who you really are FAR surpasses who you think you are.” It’s a lifelong project. But I get to be the real me. 🙂

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